Alienisms - updated 13.02.21

There are soooo many mini projects I start and never finish. At this moment in time I’m going around each room redecorating. I started with the lounge and 2 years later I’m yet to finish my wall pictures with half the lovely frames I brought shoved in a cupboard with pictures on the top. I went onto the hallway and never finished updating the frames I had in there either, leaving empty nails on the wall. Went onto the bathroom and the paint bled onto the floor. Have I sorted it out? Neh, burnt out didn’t I! My in-laws came over to help me with the wallpaper in there also. They left a bit at the bottom for me to just finish off because it’s hard for them to get to. Have I done it? Course I haven’t!!

 Aside from having to work much harder than is normal to understand new instructions for tasks (thank god for YouTube), there have been two very prominent examples of this in my life so far.

The first one was my Theory test for my driving license. I studied that book inside and out. I wrote the entire thing out and then took the mock test at the back. Marked down the answers I had failed on and rewrote those sections. Took the test again and marked down the answers I failed on.. Rewrote those sections again.. Took the mock test again.. rewrote them again.. round and round and over and over until eventually I got all the answers right!
I knew I had to learn the whole book because if I didn't, there was no doubting that I would fail.. Yet again. I'd never succeeded or passed any test or anything for that matter, and I knew how difficult it would be if I was hesitant and my focus wandered, so I studied the whatsits out of it!! And FML did it pay off! I passed with flying colours!!! I was elated!!!!!!! My Mom will tell you this: I came running, leaping and bounding out of the test centre, spinning and shouting "I'VE DONE IT MOM YESSSSS I'VE ACTUALLY DONE IT" The feeling I had inside me was incredible.
Out of this world incredible. 

The second time was when I took the leap to becoming a "Colleague Representative" with my work last year. Anyone who knows me, knows my confidence and self-esteem is in the gutter most of the time.  I just really wanted to do something to improve this. I'm so fed up of being pessimistic about my abilities because of my constant struggles so I just went for it. I know it was probably an impulsion but I was also terrified. I couldn't believe people actually voted for me!!! It was quite heart-warming to think that people actually thought highly enough of me to believe that I could do this! Also that they trusted me with it as well; The building was closing, and there were so many staff members who had been with the business for many many years. Some were those with families to look after who were being made redundant, putting them in an awful situation in the current COVID19 world. It was a heavy weight to burden to be mediator between the business and colleagues but I understood the importance of it and I wanted, not only to do this for my own personal development, but to help those that needed it by giving them the best advice that I could. 

Deciding to take up this role was not a light one. I found myself absolutely burned at both ends. We'd have a meeting on the Friday which I recorded on my voice memo's whilst trying to take in as much as my ADHD brain would allow. 
The following 24 hours would see me supervising playback on my phone whilst Microsoft Word dictation picked up each word in writing on a document. The 24 hours after that saw me dissecting that monologue, sectioning it, moving things around to make it more structured, deleting the gibberish and ramblings out and going through spelling and grammar mistakes whilst making it "my own". The last evening through to the Monday morning was spent creating a PowerPoint Slideshow which would allow me to coherently present my dialogue to all these people later that afternoon. 
There were hardly any breaks for family time all week for about 5 weeks. I worked myself till gone 12am.. Sometimes 1 and 2 o'clock in the morning. 
The one thing I couldn't understand is how I was 1 of a group of about 15 Reps who all had about 15 colleagues to manage. But they were definitely not doing any of this stuff! I couldn't fathom why it was just me making this effort and everyone else was just winging it! How were they able to take hours of information in and then relay the same information to those colleagues? How were they so relaxed? They seemed to almost not care. Like it was too easy. So why did I have to endure all that work in order to actually properly ensure those people had the information they needed? 
Obviously, I got zero recognition from the company for the work I'd put in. Likely because A - I was the only one who did, and B - The company was probably clueless as to how much of me it took to see it through. I wasn't doing it for any recognition gains, but a thank you would have been really, really nice... There's no price on a thank you. 

This picture says it all really haha! I am very well known for this in my family. They always laugh at me for it! Gotta love your own quirks! Hehe!

Then just a couple of weeks ago, my hubby and I were out shopping and he found this amazing thing in a bargain shop in town. It was a little cube with all sorts on each side. Like one side it’s like a switch, another side a metal ball, another has those cog-like wheels like on a briefcase. There’s also a flat wheel and some buttons like the top of a pen but they’ve all got different kinds of clicks! Anyway, it’s brilliant, it really helps to stop me going at my skin and nails while I watch the TV and I actually keep it hidden in my pocket when I’m out in the shops as it helps make queuing easier. I’m also finding my new earbuds help with being out and about. Music just chills me a bit.