It was 1999 and starting High School was pretty daunting but I was no more nervous than the next kid really. I had no idea what I had in store for me at King Edwards, that's for sure.
I felt super lucky though, because I had a group of 3 other girls with me that I had grown up with in the village, and who I went to Primary School with! We stuck together for most of
the first year which was a blessing - at first.
Then I befriended another girl who came into the year late. We were thick as thieves for a while.. She was exciting and fun and I just remember how we laughed so much.
Naturally it wasn't long until I brought her into my little Primary circle, but no sooner than I brought her in, I began to see my friends of years before distancing themselves, avoiding me,
hiding from me!!! They started to act out of character, doing odd things like putting salt all over the break out area seating surrounding their spot... I know I could have wiped it off but it
was so plainly obvious that they had done it to deter me from sitting with them that there wasn't much point in clearing a space. So off I went, listening to them chuckling as I walked
away.
That was my first actual Alien experience. I was alone.
Breaktimes and Lunchtimes became a fear. A dread came over me. All the other kids who had their groups and friends felt like a million miles away in their own little cliques and I had no one. I
would find places that no one went to at breaktimes and eat alone without anyone seeing but eventually kids started to notice and it wasn't long before I became a target for bullies.
Girls can be so cruel.
I remember hiding in my moms wardrobe because I didn't want to go to school and my mom basically dragging me out. Eventually things got so bad, I was in tears every day. I was terrified. My mom
knew she had to do something so in the end she went down to the school and had me changed into a different class. I made one or two new friends which did make it easier, but the bullying never
stopped.
During lessons (aside from those horrible girls teasing me and laughing at me) I would try and get on but I was constantly unfocused. I doodled and looked out of the window. I always remember
looking down at my blank page with my name and date written at the top.. and looking around me at everyone's heads down writing away and feeling confused and clueless. I would always have to ask
the person sitting next to me (if they were a friend) what the teacher wanted us to do. It was like the teachers were all speaking in a foreign language. Little did I know, i was on another
planet, let alone another country!!!
I grew bored of not being able to understand and made some new friends in the other half of the year. My new best friend was - again - exciting and funny and we were stuck together like glue. We
mucked about in the classes we had together and it didn't matter that I wasn't doing the work because me and my friend were having a ball! I started skiving lessons to creep into hers just
for the laughs and to figure out how long it would take for the teacher to realise! We'd blag it and normally the whole class would be behind it in the end! It was fun but I know now it was all
just a massive avoidance strategy. I loved to joke around and be silly and funny. My quirkiness made me feel popular within my small group of friends and with them I felt "normal" and like I
belonged somewhere.
Eventually I found myself skiving from school and smoking and going down to the pub on my lunchbreak with one of my more rebellious friends. She fancied an older boy who'd long left and was
getting her to sell Poppers! So of course, I helped. I wanted to be someone that people liked. Someone who people got on with and someone my friends could rely on. I longed to fit in and be
"cool" and to maintain my friendships so there was no question when it came to doing stuff like this. I wasn't afraid or worried. I wanted to have fun and be rebellious and wild.
Those things were how I always felt on the inside but obviously I never realised it was because I was Hyperactive. I always just wanted to be cheeky and act out.... I never knew why though, and
it was hard to be myself back when I was alone and depressed so when I found friends who brought that out of me, it was exhilarating.
I finally felt free to be crazy little Laura without feeling like an actual Alien!