I'm always putting myself down. I tell myself "Of course you can't do X,Y & Z... How could you ever be so dumb to think that you are able to achieve anything. Other people can do this stuff, but you are not like other people. You don't understand how to do things like other people can. Don't be ridiculous Laura. You've never been good enough at anything. You might as well not start because you'll either fail and let yourself and everyone around you down, or you'll just quit because you can't see anything through."
Sadly, this manifestation of thoughts brought on by a magnitude of unbeknown ADHD barriers throughout life is what causes those with ADHD to be prone to other difficulties such
as:
Anxiety
Depression
Social Phobias
OCD
Eating Disorders
Addiction
...and many more.
My mental heath has taken a battering over the years because of this. Becoming ostracised and bullied in High School was what caused my first feelings of Anxiety and panic
attacks.
I think obviously turning to alcohol was the first response to depression when I left.
I drank so often and so much. It definitely isn't fun having your Mom be called to a pub in the early hours of the morning to scrape your 16 year old ass off the floor, and out of your own
vom...
My Alien thirst for acceptance and inclusion opened a door for me to end up getting massively mugged off, walked over, used and taken for granted by those I trusted at the time, and abused
in terrible relationships along the way. These aspects bread resentment for myself which manifested into self-punishments though poor eating habits, resulting in a lifelong battle with
ED's(Eating Disorders).
Work was very much the dawn of SSP for me (Specific Social Phopia). This part of ADHD has definitely been up there as one of the worst things. It paralyses you. I felt stuck. Unable to even stand
in fear of somebody looking at me. I was too afraid to go to the water dispenser, no matter how thirsty I was at the time. I couldn't speak because I thought that people would think I was weird
for whatever came out of my mouth. When I was at work, I felt like I was on another planet. I felt frozen and stiff. I felt like I couldn't breathe sometimes, let alone speak out loud.
It can be absolutely awful.
Thankfully I've never had much of the Addiction or OCD aspects. Only OCD within the compulsions of ED's & Hyperfocus, and the only thing (other than chocolate) that I've ever been
addicted to was cigarettes. I don't smoke much any more though... Mostly just with a few drinks.
I know from research that addictions can be form of coping mechanism for some though, and it's particularly easy to have an addictive personality when you can be super impulsive because
of ADHD, and I guess OCD could be to do with that self destruct thing we just love to do, as those with OCD tend to find comfort in the compulsions.
Who knows. I'm no Psychiatrist..
Maybe I need to do more research... (lol or not).