Hey all!
I wasn't going to start off with this today because I have a whole lot of other stuff to chat about but I just wanted to touch on this because ADHD has such an impact on this part of my life.
So going back to the beginning, when I was much much younger, I can recall many an evening being awake with my brother well into the early hours of the morning. Even before that, when I was a young teenager and had my first phone, i'd stay up so late texting on it.
Gradually through the years sleep became more and more of an issue for me. In my early 20's I'd be up late partying and often pulled all-nighters. I would also come home and sit there eating or
I'd watch something on TV - that's after a full night out at like 4am!!! My head would still be wired much of the time. I used to say "sleep is for the weak!" and "I'll sleep for eternity when
I'm gone..." and make a bit of a joke about it.
Gradually it became a part of life to still be awake until the early hours, even when sober. I would lie there in bed for HOURS just thinking and thinking and thinking, seeing midnight in, then
1am, 2am, 3am, 4am... My mind wandering from one thing to the next at 1000mph.
When I was about 25, the thoughts began to overlap and it felt like I had a group of voices fighting for the forefront of my focus. It was chaos up there. I would be crying my eyes out because I
couldn't understand why it was happening and I was so tired and desperate for sleep. It was horrible. That was the worst that I've suffered at night. Looking back, it's strange to think that this
was happening and I was completely unaware of what was causing it! I was clueless.
It's super ironic though because I'm also such a deep sleeper! When I eventually sleep, I sleep so deeply and my dreams have also always been SO vivid as well. I hear that other Aliens have
experienced this too actually. It could be a thing, but I've not really looked much into this.
Now-a-days I still don't sleep until anywhere in between 12-2am but I really do try to at least get to bed before midnight. Sometimes it's as though I'm subconsciously avoiding sleep. Like I'm
afraid to be thoughtless, almost like it's a fear causing the compulsion to research and fuel my brain with information that I'll either largely forget with my short term ADHD memory, or will get
lost within the mess that is the mountain sized heap of lists inside my head.
Aside from trying to get to bed earlier, I also find that exercise does help a hell of a lot. Particularly if you're getting up early in the morning to do it. I know it seems like an impossible
feat when you don't sleep till late the night before, but I find this is mostly only hard on the first night (with the exception of a night here and there where your brain decides to mess with
you). I say this because if I actually manage to get up early to do it, by the time I've settled down for the evening, it's like someone has hit my shut-down button.
Another thing that I find really helps is the pressure of an eye-mask. I know that sounds super random, and I don't know if anyone else I know has one but I just find it so relaxing. It really
settles me.
Oh and I also take the odd sleeping tablet here and there (non-prescribed) if my mind is feeling particularly 'buzzy', or if I have a lot on, or if I'm stressed.. I don't know whether I would be
able to take these when on the new meds... It's definitely something that I do need to explore with my consultant.
I hear that the meds can make you go one of two ways. Can either make it even harder or they can make you feel absolutely flat out by the end of the day. I think all people that start new
medication have their own reactions to it, so it's difficult to gage which way it will go for me. On paper it appears that it mostly has a negative effect. I will be reporting on this in my Meds
post though!
I also will begrudgingly admit that having my phone near to me 100% doesn't help. This is because I think of things and then my phone facilitates the thought flow. If i didn't have my phone
right next to me at night, I would keep thinking about stuff and then I would go to pick it up and it wouldn't be there.. It would be infuriatingly frustrating and it would be super unsettling
but that would only be a temporary feeling. The thought process would be forced to stop or change direction and it would have to keep going in that cycle for a little while until I finally fall
asleep - which would be much faster by the way - it's a silly thing for me to feel so on edge about doing, but I know I'm not helping myself unless I actually DO it. I don't understand why it's
so difficult!! Maybe I'll try it once the room is done; I could make a new home for it somewhere else in the room during the night.
Anyways, I hope that this sleep post was insightful and relatable for those who struggle on any level! :)
Write a comment