M E D - D I A R Y (WK1)

This is my Med-Diary. Consisting of all the real stuff I have experienced while starting my ADHD medication, the great, the good, the bad and the ugly!

My brilliant consultant is called Dr Cress and she is doing all she can to help me to figure out how I can live a more balanced life by listening, piecing things together, talking me though my options and explaining everything to me in a way that I can understand.

I was really nervous to start these tablets. I'm a bit fussy with what I consume to be honest... I'm extremely resistant and restrictive of too much of anything. I don't have more than 2 coffees a day. I only drink fizzy drinks at the cinema. I don't eat sweets. I have 1 take out like.. every other month. I resist from taking painkillers if I can cope without. I've never been on any long term medication, not even for stress/anxiety. I had beta blockers for a bit, but only took them for a short while when I needed them and have barely touched them since!

So starting this medication has been a little nerve wracking, but I keep thinking about how life changing this could be for me if it works! To feel like I had the ability to achieve what others can achieve. Like that wall that I'm constantly stuck behind has finally been broken down! Feels more than worth the distorted risk in my head.

(1st Diary) - Day off

08:30 - Take dose

08:30-10:30 (Strength score 0-6)

• Procrastination
• Looking for one thing and finding another.
• Losing thought process (Dory-ing)
• Motivation begins to pick up.

10:30-12:30 (7-6)

• Dip in Motivation to continue daily tasks
• Procrastination.
• Begin to notice a calmer, quieter mind. 
• Heart Palpitations. 
• Still having frequent bouts of 15 second 'Dory-ing'.
• Still getting distracted easily by sound/movement around me.
• Still struggling to maintain focus. 

12:30 - 14:30 (6-5.5)

• Procrastination strikes again!!
• Struggling to focus on completing a single task before getting distracted with another.
• Still noticeably quieter in my mind.

14:30-16:30 (5.5-3.5)

• Last of the motivation!
• Too hungry to think about anything else!
• Even more procrastination..

16:30-18:30 (3.5-2)

• Completed a couple of small to-do's that didn't require getting up!!!

18:30-20:30 (2-1)

• Emotions kicking in quite strongly. Feeling low because not done enough. The house is getting on top of me.
• Noticing tripping over myself with handwriting as thoughts race ahead of the pen.

Tiredness is extreme by 21:30.

No sleep until 2am but was busy blogging!!  
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Overall I didn't feel much different today. The main feelings I got were the quiet head. So you know how sometimes when you're doing something which requires a certain level of concentration and you can think back on your thought paths. Like you think about all kinds of random stuff, like what you've been watching recently, or about something that you need to remember to do, or a conversation you had etc... Well I had nothing. I mean not nothing because I did think about that after noticing I'd not been thinking!!! Haha! But you know what I mean! xD

I felt quite disappointed that nothing much really changed. I had a video call with my Mom which was impossible through being distracted by anything and everything around me! I thought that at least, it would channel my focus better in those types of situations. 

Also, I don't think it's really going to do anything for motivation. I think I need to find a way to make tasks easier to complete. Today my list was too big. It looked like a mountain and I just couldn't reach my starting point so I ended up doing a lot of procrastinating and felt really bad about it by the end of the day. 

Note to self: Don't pile things up - spread things out. Make it look easier. 

One last thing also - When I was blogging (I think it must have been about 11-12pm) I felt a bit randomly disorientated. It only lasted about 5-10 minutes and it's strange because it all should have long worn off by that point but I don't know what else could have caused it... It was like everything started floating.. Like gravity was moving forwards or turning around or something. It was really weird anyway...  Defo worth noting.

I cant believe how tired I was at like 9:30-10pm. I NEVER feel tired at this sort of time but I was absolutely mentally zapped. 

(2nd Diary) - First Work day

08:30 - Take dose

09:15 Felt dose kick in today with a little buzzy feeling.

10:00-12:00 (7-6)

• Vocal and Physical energy bursts.

12:00-14:00 (6)

• Start work. 
• Notice Focus issues.
• Lack of focus is heightened by stress (work related).

14:00-16:00 (6-4)

• Feeling more productive but also distracted.
• Feel a bit numb.
• Emotional but it seems trapped inside. 
• Headache.

16:00-18:00 (4-2.5)

• Dip in focus.
• Feeling more easily sidetracked.

18:00-20:00 (2.5-1.5)

• Feeling like it's fully worn off.

20:00 (1.5)

• Finish work

Feet feeling extremely fidgety and lots of vocal tonight!!!

Still didn't sleep till 1am.

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It was a different experience today. I think the head silence is definitely helping but I do still feel the distractions and focuslessness that keep creeping in. Maybe the dose isn't high enough.. I'm not sure. I just feel like I should be getting more from it. 

Another thing I am noticing is feeling super thirsty once it's all worn off.. And sometimes a get a heavy feeling in my head. A bit like the beginning of a headache that never progresses. It's not bad enough to make me want to take pain killers and it actually comes and goes a couple of times during the course of the release.

I did have quite an energetic day today with lots of little bits and bobs. Sometimes I get fidgety footed and tonight I could not stop moving them!! And also the vocal - singing, funny voices and random noises were rife. This might have had something to do with the emotions being a bit up and down today, mixed in with the work stress and stuff.. but I also notice the strength score at this time of day was at it's peak! I'd have thought this would make me go the opposite was but it appears not haha.

Again, I felt really tired really early. I think it's because my head is working harder during the day I guess.. and by the time it's all worn off, it leaves me feeling exhausted from it. 

(3rd Diary) - Another work day

After my 3rd day of taking Medikinet I am left feeling pretty disappointed again. There is definitely a slight improvement in the first few hours of work but then it drastically comes down.

I think the fatigue at the end also accelerates the decrease in effectiveness and this impacts my overall productivity towards the end of my shift.

After thinking about this I had another look at the charts and decided to draw them out in a way that I could see the impact on my day personally. (I think sometimes it's easier to write things out in your own language before you can fully understand it!) and It appears that I've not been adapting the release flow to my daily schedule. I will show you below in two pictures and you will see what I mean! 

So I've decided to try taking the dose at 10 next week instead of 8 as normal and see what happens! I think it's going to make a difference but we will see if I feel I still need a higher dose after doing this for a few days. 
I really wish I had something like this to read before starting all this so I really hope it helps others at the beginning of this decision making!!! ^_^